When I do something big a BOOM normally follows…
I was too scared for excitement and too excited for the extremes of fear… I wanted this time more than anything I’d ever wanted; shocked by the number of emotions I possessed as I sat in my comfy reclining rocking chair, very pregnant, rubbing my gigantic lovely belly lost in reflection.
One day she decided to stop letting fear hold her back, and chose to live bravely.
From then on, she flew…
I thought of the day I met Kay; part of me willing to try anything she offered and the other thought she was a wee bit cuckoo, but what the heck, why not?! I can do cuckoo.
She suggested, “instead of focusing and projecting a complicated birth, why not focus on finding a Doctor who can help and a birthing plan that will lessen the fear…”
“Ha!” I can only imagine my facial expression because my thoughts were um. oh. Okay. Yeah. Whatever. Don’t you get my body is different? My body doesn’t ‘do’ pregnancy well”, I said.
She had a complicated pregnancy, so she knew pain, doubt, worry and fear, so I listened… truthfully, I listened because I felt desperate; I desperately most emphatically wanted this pregnancy different. I terribly wanted a full-term pregnancy; most of all, I wanted my baby born healthy… no complications. It is reasonable, right?!
Cognizant of no matter where I go there I am and good can happen… I began attempting the try living in the moment of happy method; being grateful and making an effort at stopping the projecting until moments from the past creeped up and oozed out, which, my life there has been hurt happenings that are as much apart of me as the good ones; I cannot hide from a past that I no longer want to fight to keep secret, so I hold on tight, embrace the moment, do what I need to do and wait because this too shall pass.
So, when Kay suggested HypnoBirthing I tried to keep a straight face, but jaded by loss; the word “hypnobirthing” and its description rolled from her lips to my ears and I gave it a chuckle bathed in sarcasm. “I’m sorry that was rude, but it sounds progressive and alternative and weird and silly, but mostly just hard for me to believe; I’m covered in doubt… scared too hope”, I said.
She was patient and kind, and she understood.
I thought, well I like the Doctor she suggested, a lot… I like talking to her, a lot, so why not commit to this hypnobirthing thingy?!
On this day…
“You can summon your natural birthing instincts and birth your baby in an easier more comfortable way… you rely, on your natural birthing instincts, to do what the body already knows to do, and often times the experience is without pain.” She said.
“Um. Oh. Okay. Yeah. Whatever. I didn’t fully buy into the holistic au Naturel thingy she was suggesting… but I was desperate. I had traveled down a path of pain that brought me to my knees and left me willing and opened my mind to different, not to mention, it was through a series of ‘odd’ and when I say odd events I mean oddly you know you are meant to meet this person oddly, so why not go blindly and give it a try?!
Rest. Hydrate. Study up on hypnobirthing. Visit Doctor, often. Take care of self and once a week for 17 weeks drop my drawers for a nurse to inject progesterone into my buttocks… I followed orders like the boss of order taking.
But… but, soon discovered, not but, like a bad but, instead, but I’m tremendously grateful that if there is a problem that the problem gets discovered, and so beit during one of my many exams the doctor discovered ‘funneling’, which essentially means dilating from the inside out, in turn causing the body to go into labor entirely too early, and the way to treat this is complete bed-rest, and when I say complete bed-rest I mean of the totally non-moving variety… like spend all your time flat.
I was highly motivated…
With two weeks left of a total of one hundred and nineteen days spent horizontal I’m told by the Doc, “Amy, you’ve failed bed-rest at home.” With barely a chance to process, head-spinning, what does this mean, bed-rest at home is tough enough, I have a toddler at home, I can’t stay away from her, but… but…, and then before I know it, I’m on a stretcher being hauled off to the hospital, with the Doctor standing next to me saying, “You will spend the rest of time in the hospital; if you reach 34 weeks funneling is a natural part of the process you can go home.”
And that was that…
Mama’s little bean…
I rickety, fracking, graduated bed-rest, at 34 weeks pregnant and finally free to roam about freely; I left the hospital. No restrictions… None. Nil. Zilch!
My body surprisingly adjusted exceptionally well to being upright having just spent 119 days flat on my back; I finally got the gift of normal to me pregnancy.
I cannot even begin to describe the immense feeling of gratitude and happy I felt… I was pregnant, and it was my normal pregnancy… a beautiful gift of bigness, swollen feet, pressure on the rib cage, can’t breathe… it was all good heavenly gift.
I didn’t care who touched or rubbed my belly; I wore that fabulousness like a badge of honor off the charts grateful, yeah come on over and rub away… short of walking up to total strangers and saying, “wanna touch”.
I decided that continuing to work with Kay on the hypnobirthing was, in fact, a good idea for me; sold on the concept of all that madness, and it was relaxing and calming. I listened to froufrou music and meditated on chirping bird and the whistling sound of wind blowing. I learned ‘techniques’ for helping the birthing process and on the day my water broke The Sailor hauled all of me to the labor and delivery part of the hospital. We wobbled, well he didn’t wobble, I wobbled, and he walked next to me. My wobbly happy, incredibly grateful self wobbled to the check-in area, and the process began.
Let me just say that what followed will stay with me forever and ever and ever amen…
I was calm and relaxed, and I listened to my music and meditated.
I followed the stimulating techniques she recommended that I originally thought were silly and full of non-sense. I practiced the breathing techniques.
I talked to Kay on the phone; family came and went, my best gal pal was there, The Sailor paced and I patiently awaited The Little Ones arrival.
It was blissful, and my family is a wee bit shy of crazy, well I come by it honest.
One of Favorite Moments
My little bean decides she’s going to take the challenging position, and delay her entrance into the world, which, I didn’t expect any less…
all my babies made grand entrances; this outcome, however, had zero complications.
As she finally begins her decent, I breathed and went with the signal from my body; feeling a slight burn and then an incredible tingling sensation that felt positively euphoric.
I kid you not when I say that I roared; I roared… true story! I let out a sound that to this day I still feel within me.
Life happens and often times it is filled with smile opportunity; today is one of those days… a big smile kind of day.