One More Time

Posted on 12/Aug/2014

I HAD BEEN SOBER FOR YEARS; I THOUGHT I HAD CONQUERED MY DEMONS. I THOUGHT I HAD THE TOOLS TO COMBAT LIFE. YOU SEE, I WAS SOBER, BUT STILL THINKING LIFE WAS A COMBAT ZONE. I DID NOT REALIZE THAT WHICH WAS IN ME COULD NOT BE CONQUERED ON WILL-POWER, OR SOBRIETY ALONE… I HAD SOMETHING THAT WENT BEYOND ADDICTION.

SO, WHY NOT ASK FOR HELP; I DIDN’T KNOW I NEEDED HELP… I THOUGHT I NEEDED RELIEF. I HAD SOUGHT RELIEF ALMOST ALL MY LIFE, AND USUALLY FOUND IT AT THE BOTTOM OF THE BOTTLE, BUT THAT NO LONGER WORKED.

I WAS SOBER. MY LIFE SO MUCH DIFFERENT; SOBER. MY LIFE SO MUCH BETTER; SOBER. LOOKING BACK, BECAUSE THEN, I WOULD NEVER HAVE CALLED IT DEPRESSION; DEPRESSION’S UGLY, SHAMEFUL, SO WHAT EVER IT WAS, IT HIT HARD. I FELT TREMENDOUS SHAME, SO I DID WHAT OLD IDEAS TELL ME TO DO… I KEPT IT SECRET.

“It waits. It lays in wait for the time when you think, ‘It’s fine now, I’m OK.’ Then, the next thing you know, it’s not OK. –Robin Williams

I SEE, LOOKING BACK, HINDSIGHT, THAT MY FAMILY TRIED TO HELP. I SEE, LOOKING BACK, HINDSIGHT, THAT FRIENDS TRIED TO HELP. I WASN’T ONE THAT COULD BE HELPED, THEN. YOU CANNOT FORCE OR WILL OR WISH A PERSON WELL. YOU CAN LEAD THEM, BUT…

mommetime blog, causes, addiction, depression, One More TimeI THINK ON SOME LEVEL WE ALL HAVE A FUNDAMENTAL WANT, NEED, HOPE TO HELP THOSE WE THINK ARE IN NEED. I KNOW I DO. AND, THEN THERE ARE THOSE WHO THINK TIME AND TIME AGAIN THEY HAVE POWER TO CONTROL THE ACTIONS OF ANOTHER, SADLY, THAT IS AS DOABLE AS HOLDING ON TO WATER WITH ONE’S BARE HAND.

SO, SAYING, WHY DOESN’T SOMEONE HELP? WHY DIDN’T SOMEONE FORCE THEM TO GET HELP? YOU MIGHT AS WELL FORGO THE WORDS AND JUST THROAT PUNCH THEM INSTEAD BECAUSE SOMEONE HAS TRIED TO HELP, HAS TRIED TO FORCE, HAS PRAYED, HAS WISHED, HAS PLEADED.

MENTAL ILLNESS DOES NOT DISCRIMINATE, AND ITS MEANNESS PENETRATING THE FAMILY UNIT CAUSING HAVOC AND HARM TO EVERYONE IN ITS PATH… TAKING PRISONERS; HOLDING THE ENTIRE FAMILY CAPTIVE. AT SOME POINT SEEKING HELP, BECOMES THE ONLY OPTION; ULTIMATELY, THOSE SUFFERING HAS TO WANT HELP.

But you can’t. That’s the bottom line,” he said. “You really think you can, then you realize, I need help, and that’s the word … It’s hard admitting it, then once you’ve done that, it’s real easy.” –Robin Williams

IT’S HARD ADMITTING YOU NEED HELP, BUT ONCE YOU DO IT’S REAL EASY; UNTIL IT ISN’T BECAUSE MENTAL ILLNESS DOESN’T ALWAYS JUST GO AWAY AND NEVER COME BACK. AND SOME PEOPLE HAVE NO MORE ONE MORE TIME IN THEM TO FIGHT THE FIGHT…

DO WE GIVE UP? QUIT, PERMANENTLY. OH MAN… I HOPE NOT BECAUSE THAT OPTION HURTS HARD. NO, WE CANNOT QUIT. I CANNOT STOMACH THE THOUGHT OF IT. WE MUST SEARCH FOR SOLUTIONS, FIND A REASON, FIND THE BEAUTY IN LIFE, RIGHT… RIGHT? HOPE, LIFE AND LOVE HAS TO, IN THE END, TRUMP DESPAIR.

Suicide takes the lives of nearly 30,000 Americans every year. ..

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