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“There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance - that principle is contempt prior to investigation” Herbert Spencer
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Good Grief Charlie Brown: re-published 2011
1st Published Nov 19, 2010
noisserped
Depression:
An illness that involves the body, mood, and thoughts, that affects the way a person eats and sleeps, the way one feels about oneself, and the way one thinks about things. A depressive disorder is not the same as a passing blue mood. It is not a sign of personal weakness or a condition that can be wished away. People with a depressive disease cannot merely ”pull themselves together” and get better. Without treatment, symptoms can last for weeks, months, or years. Appropriate treatment, however, can help most people with depression.
I suffered with depression for years and didn’t even know it! It was just the way I lived. If only others would act differently I would feel ‘better’.
…unable to find the words to release the noise inside my head. no amount of sleep would numb the pain. I turned to drink and for a moment it took me to a place where the pain could not find me!
I am grateful someone cared enough to say “I think you suffer from depression”. I did not see how my isolation, unable to bathe, difficulty functioning, you do for me what I ‘should’ be capable of doing for myself, ignoring my needs, neglecting yours, don’t want to get out of bed much less pay any attention to you, it is all your fault, I’m gonna make you feel guilty so that you will love me the way that I am…was depression! “I am not a weak person…I am strong-willed!
I was so immersed in my misery I could not see the impact it had on me much less those close to me. I heard their worry filled words…and when I would say “I will do it differently, next time” I meant it!
Broken promises! I call it the band-aid theory, I treat me…temporarily! When I self treated or self medicated it denied me the help I needed and gave false hope to those that love me. I tried for years to will myself different! Until the next time and there was always a next time.
After the birth of my third baby (long after), I finally reluctantly admitted (only because someone said do this or else), that maybe just maybe, it was depression kicking my ass! I will always be grateful to the person who loved me enough to tell me the truth. I just wish that it did not take me so long to reach out…someone recently told me that if I have one foot in the future and one foot in the past; I am pissing on today!
When I finally reached out and asked for help it seemed like a huge, as in monumental, task. I felt shame, embarrassment and fear of the unknown, not that I did not feel those same emotions before I asked for help, but now I’m saying it to another person and out loud – it was scary!
It wasn’t until Therapy that Postpartum Depression was ever mentioned and that was long after the birth of my first baby, many, many years ago and sadly, she did not survive, unable to find words, I did not talk about it and neither did my family. There was never any mention of Postpartum Depression and my ‘broken heart’ went untreated for years. Not to mention the physical part of what a woman goes through after child-birth. I eventually found my answer in a bottle, which only brought on more misery and chaos.
I suffered with bouts of depression on and off and then again after the birth of my second child and again after the birth of my third child.
…sitting on the recliner, holding my little one and nursing her, taking in her sweet scent…it was a beautiful moment! She was hungry and wanted more…as if someone lifted a switch something clicked inside me and I had enough! She cried. My body stiffened and I cringed at the thought of her touching me. I took her to her crib, laid her down, walked out of the room and closed the door. I laid on the bathroom floor next to her bedroom in the fetal position bawling; as she cried out for more.
Both baby 2 ‘big time’ and baby 3 ‘my little one’ survived birth, although both were difficult pregnancies (my body just does not respond well), they are both happy, most of the time and healthy, most of the time, super fabulous and beautiful girls. I love being their Mom. I have a wonderful family and incredible friends that love and support me. I have a partner that is simply the best! He is remarkable! He is the wind beneath…I mean he is the foot beneath my ass! I love him…he saved my life!
Help is out there…it takes only the willingness the size of a mustard seed to pickup the phone (and YES the phone will feel as if it weighs a thousand pounds). In the beginning, I did not do it for me…I did it for my family. A lot of harm has happened over the years as a result of depression. I was doing the best that I could but depression ruled and it has run havoc in our lives!
Today, I take responsibility for my actions (more like in-actions), as a result of suffering from depression. I don’t know what the future has in store for me but today I got up took my medicine, showered, put on make-up, met with my therapist, exercised, jumped in water puddles with my youngest daughter, listened to music, prepared my kids a healthy dinner, ate chocolate, played and lost at a WII sports game with my oldest daughter. Overall I enjoyed my day but most of all I was fully present!
I have come to believe depression is a poison that will eat away at my soul…the good news there is an antidote: learning and gathering information on changing my behavior, eating healthy, exercise, therapy, medicine, family, friends and laughing.
Most of all sharing my experience, strength and hope so that maybe just maybe it will help someone else!
Make Noise….
This is my “depressed stance.” When you’re depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you’ll start to feel better. If you’re going to get any joy out of being depressed, you’ve got to stand like this. ~Charlie Brown
STICKS AND STONES ARE HARD ON BONES
AIMED WITH ANGRY ART
WORDS CAN STING LIKE ANYTHING
BUT SILENCE BREAKS THE HEART
~PHYLLIS MCGINLEY, “BALLADE OF LOST OBJECTS,” 1954
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. ~Leo Buscaglia
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Knock Knock...Who's There? Hilarious, Sarcastic, Witty! Great Organizational Stuff, too!
Rear-view Sep 25, 2012
Good Grief Charlie Brown Dec 1, 2011
Love Speaks; Depression Tales Jun 4, 2012
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Kimberly Nov 19 2010 - 10:17 pm
Thank you for being so open and honest about this. Especially now that the holidays are fast approaching people need to know that there is help out there. I have postpartum depression and anxiety and the hardest part in this process was asking for help.
I am glad that you were able to get the care you deserved and blogged about it. You will help out more people than you know.
Heather Nov 19 2010 - 11:22 pm
I have been there! I went thru depression as a child and teenager as a direct result of being abused. I’m thankful I am out of that hell hole and since I left at the age of 16 I have never looked back. I am always in the here and now or the future. But I know exactly how it feels. I remember feeling just utter helplessness and dispear and like life was not worth living and I was soo soo young to feel those things. Glad you are actively making sure you feel better emotionally, physically and spiritually!
mommetime Nov 20 2010 - 1:58 am
thank you for visiting…I am amazed at how many people relate and identify with depression. I’ve had difficulty identifying when or what caused my depression; I don’t know if I was depressed as a child. I have been able to look back and see that after the loss of a baby (3rd trimester) devastated me….that was many years ago and I’ve since been blessed with two beautiful girls. take care, Amy
mommetime Nov 20 2010 - 2:02 am
I appreciate the kind words…I think anytime we open up and expose ourselves to others it leaves some room for self doubt (at least I do – I kept everything bottled up). I know the holidays are such a wonderful time of year but…oh boy can it be difficult. Thanks for visiting. Amy
Raphael and Dawn Nov 20 2010 - 4:59 am
Hi we’re your newest follower.. hope you follow back.. have a good night =)
Frugal Couponing Mommy Nov 21 2010 - 5:25 pm
Hi! I am a new follower via Sunday blog hop. I would love if you could follow me back at http://frugalcouponingmommy3.blogspot.com/
Melissa Sharon Nov 21 2010 - 8:51 pm
Thank you for sharing your story – that takes courage. Following you from Relax and Surf Sunday – hope you can visit me back at http://www.thejoyfuljungle.com Life is a jungle, but it can be a joyful one!
Kimberly Nov 22 2010 - 2:49 pm
I wanted to say thank you for stopping by my blog and commenting… I am now following and I look forward to reading more of your stuff.
All the best,
Kim
My Creative Way Nov 22 2010 - 3:50 pm
Following you back from http://www.MyCreativeWay.Blogspot.com
Raychel
mommetime Nov 22 2010 - 5:49 pm
thank you for visiting.
mommetime Nov 22 2010 - 5:51 pm
you’re welcome…and thank you for visiting. Amy
mommetime Nov 22 2010 - 5:53 pm
thanks for visiting and for the follow. I’m on my way to visit your blog. Amy
Jersey Diva Mom Nov 22 2010 - 8:12 pm
I have a family who suffered for years with depressions, and it is physically draining on him and all around him. If I heard one more person say to cheer up, or “life’s not so bad” blah blah blah. He needed treatment and compassion. Thankfully, he has received it– 20yrs in!. Thx for the blog & FB visits. Was sick a bit so keeping up w/my posts but big-ass slacker in common courtesy- sorry!
Autum Nov 22 2010 - 11:50 pm
Thanks so much for stopping by, I am your newest follower!
mommetime Nov 23 2010 - 5:43 pm
thank you for visiting…Hopefully, you’re feeling better. Take care, Amy
TB Nov 24 2010 - 11:06 am
Ahhh, my friend depression. I stopped taking my medication once I got pregnant and I’m more than ready to get back on some after this baby is born. Glad to see you’re doing so well!
CarolW Nov 24 2010 - 11:58 am
This was such a good post. I have struggled with depression on and off for years and it’s taken such an enormous effort to combat it….some might say that now I’m over effervescent but it works for me. I am your latest follower and am off to browse some more posts. PS I love Charlie Brown and Snoopy!
Laura Harrison Nov 24 2010 - 5:07 pm
New follower from a blog hop. Fairly new blogger too. Dearly love a follow back. I have a giveaway for a cell phone booster that has really low entries if you are interested ($149 arv)
http://grandma-sez-so.blogspot.com/2010/11/its-blog-oclock-somewhere-hop.html
Laurie from Grandma Sez So
PS: I love this blog template, comment form, all of it. Anyway, I enjoyed this read very much. I suffer with depression, and like you, didn’t know it. I could (maybe should) post about my story. In short, I filled the D-Hole with alcohol for years. Now, I am clean and sober since June of this year. I have been put on meds to help curb the Depression but it is still there, always will be.
Thank you for sharing this.
Laurie
Jen M Nov 24 2010 - 5:31 pm
New follower via Wednesday Blog Hop
Skye Nov 24 2010 - 9:27 pm
http://realmomreviews.blogspot.com/
Following your blog!
Please follow back!
mommetime Nov 25 2010 - 3:47 am
thanks for visiting…Take care of yourself! Amy
mommetime Nov 25 2010 - 3:53 am
Thanks and I appreciate your visit. I think your absolutely correct when I’m in the throws of depression it takes an enormous effort to combat. Now I treat ‘it’ daily by accepting, taking care of myself (mentally and physically) and laughter helps me. I recognize ‘it’ much quicker than before. Take care. Amy
mommetime Nov 25 2010 - 4:06 am
thank you so much for sharing…take care of yourself! Amy
L. Eleana Nov 27 2010 - 9:50 pm
I’m so happy you shared this. People don’t understand how serious depression really is. From my experience, you can’t turn it on and off, and it just hits you sometimes when you least expect it. Thanks so much for finding my blog, I love meeting other moms in the blogosphere. Have a great day!
mommetime Nov 27 2010 - 10:12 pm
I agree…Now that I’m familiar with and accept that I suffer from depression; I can clearly see that it is like any other disease that goes into remission. I’m never cured from it but it is definitely treatable and I DO not need to suffer! Thanks for stopping by and visiting my blog.
Mommyfriend Nov 28 2010 - 12:21 am
Refreshing honesty, words that needed to be said. Brava.
mommetime Nov 29 2010 - 4:02 pm
thank you…take care, Amy
Rachel & Pokey Dec 1 2011 - 1:59 pm
It is so great of you to share your story with others. Depression is really tough because it’s hard for outsiders to understand. Every time someone writes about their experience for the world it helps others have the chance to heal. <3
LOVED all the quotes at the end. I've definitely requested a cafe mocha vodka valium latte before.
Rachel & Pokey recently posted..You Tube Tuesday – Bath Time
MomMeTime Dec 4 2011 - 7:39 am
I sooooo agree! When we share it allows for the opportunity of reaching someone…tearing down a barrier.
I am such a quote person…thanks, Amy
Martha Orlando Dec 1 2011 - 11:11 pm
My prayer is, by this post, you have enlightened so many to the earmarks of depression. That, they may realize the help that is out there for them.
I have been there and have emerged from it a much stronger and vital person, ready to hear the will of God in and for my life.
We are depressed when hope is removed from our lives. There are so many negative influences which challenge our innate sense of joy in living and all the vibrant life that surrounds us.
In the promise of the Lord, there is hope. There is belief. There is audacity to grow and thrive and be!
May His promise of hope, belief, and joy ever surround you!
Martha Orlando recently posted..Daring to Ask the Question . . .
MomMeTime Dec 4 2011 - 7:37 am
“We are depressed when hope is removed from our lives.” Oh wow…that is so true! I will never forget when I first got sober meeting this woman who ‘seemed’ so happy…I said to her aren’t you afraid that if you hope for something that all you will ever get is disappointment? I do not recall her answer what stands out most for me is no matter the answer I wasn’t ready to hear it. I had spent so much time and energy building a self protecting wall that I stopped living. That encounter with that person was over ten years ago and I hold on to it because today I’m okay with being disappointed because there is so much possibility in hope that I willing to take that chance!
Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing. Amy
Savy Dec 2 2011 - 1:13 am
Your words speak of honesty and you shared something that was very difficult for you to accept or even acknowledge. You have opened the door for others….
Thank you for sharing
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MomMeTime Dec 4 2011 - 7:29 am
Thank you Savy, your words are very kind. Acknowledging my problem became my biggest obstacle to overcome but once I acknowledged it I found solutions to treat it…the more people talking about it opens up more doors to help others.
rimly Dec 2 2011 - 11:05 am
It takes a lot of courage to write about yourself with such honesty. It is also in a way therapeutic to talk about it instead of keeping it bottled inside of you. Thank you for sharing this.
http://rimlybezbaruah.blogspot.com/2011/11/my-love.html
rimly recently posted..My Love…
MomMeTime Dec 4 2011 - 7:27 am
thank you for stopping by and yes I agree it is in a way therapeutic to talk about it openly in this forum…I think the more people talking about it allows for the possibility of reaching someone that may need help!
SJ Dec 2 2011 - 11:14 am
It’s so hard to put it out there like this, I know when I wrote my post on it I felt like I was cutting open my chest and exposing my heart for all to see but it is a form of therapy in itself. One that I find when you come through it you can start to quantify but up to that moment it’s just nonsense and muddled and hard to understand, in fact its suffocating and depraving and for many they suffer in silence for far too long.
I always thought that once I understood it, understood the emotions, the deadness, the flatness, the dark that it would be ok. My biggest worry is the days that I’m not when I can’t get past and for those days, like you I have the big foot waiting to give me that kick up the butt that I need. I always think the strongest people are the ones that will break harder than any other, depression isn’t a weakness it’s a disease that left untreated can consume your life away. I also think you are extremely brave and admire that you are able to share your story, to show that it’s OK to feel this way and to know that with love and a firm booty you can get your life back on track.
You are amazing x
SJ recently posted..This Moment – Almost Got It
MomMeTime Dec 4 2011 - 7:25 am
the first time I ever uttered I and depression in the same sentence that is exactly how I described the feeling…cutting open my chest, exposing me and suffocating. I felt as if I was going to stop breathing!
Now, I am amazed by how it all works; I talk about it and feel all of the pain; I continue to talk about it and find relief…I open up to others and I begin to heal. I stopped trying to get it and now just accept that if I continue doing what I’m doing I will continue to heal. I firmly believe it will not completely go away but I can lay it to rest!
Thank you so much for your support…hugs, Amy
Robin | Farewell, Stranger Dec 2 2011 - 7:01 pm
Thanks so much for sharing this! I think it’s common for people to suffer from depression and not know it. There just isn’t enough awareness about it.
I’m so sorry about your first baby, and how sad that you didn’t get support after that happened. Sounds like you have great perspective to offer others now.
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MomMeTime Dec 4 2011 - 7:17 am
I agree about lack of awareness…from both a lack of available information and denial. It eventually became about breaking through my denial; I had heard about depression even read a little bit but wasn’t ready I suppose.
Thank you so much for your kind words! Sometimes its best to just say, “I don’t know what to say or do but I’m here for you!” My family, bless their hearts, didn’t know what to say or do, so they did nothing. Now I think it is so important for people to talk about it so that others may know that their is a solution…help is available! And, amazingly I get relief…a reprieve.
Jan Dec 3 2011 - 2:22 am
Thank you for this post. I know that depression has been a big part of my life trials as well as the other things I deal with. I an on meds now, but still have my moments. As you say, it took years to confront the uglies. I am so glad you shared your story, it is nice to know we are truly not alone. <3<3<3
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MomMeTime Dec 3 2011 - 11:51 am
…the uglies! It loses some of its power. Thank you for sharing.
Anna Sides Dec 5 2011 - 9:26 am
No shame necessary…would you feel shame if you visited a medical doctor for the flu? or an ingrown toenail? You are correct, Depression is a disease. Unfortunately, not one that comes with physical symptoms like a cough or an inflamed toe. By the time the symptoms are recognized, it is usually well into the disease process and has afflicted you and everyone around you. But still, it goes unrecognized.
I am so happy that you have someone that loves you enough to put their boot up your backside and let you know that you ARE worth it and you ARE loved. People want YOU in their life and they want you healthy!
It had to be difficult to share this post, but please know that you are not alone. There are many that experience depression and can relate to what you are going through.
Anna Sides recently posted..{this moment}
MomMeTime Dec 7 2011 - 1:02 am
every now and again I may have feelings of shame flare-up I just try to focus on staying healthy and making amends. I think the area I struggle most with is that it took me so long before taking action.
Thank you so much for your words of encouragement!
Claire Dec 26 2011 - 10:52 pm
I always find writing about myself in the open way you have done here really makes me feel better, I hope it worked for you. Its a difficult thing to do but I always think its worthwhile!
Liska Jan 7 2012 - 10:41 am
Hi
Thank you for your comment on my post, which really really touched me.
Your post so accurately describes everything. Unfortunately my husband is not quite so supportive and is quite often the trigger for my tears.
Your final paragraph is the reason I go to cafes so often:
a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring
I get all of that there. From strangers.
Liska xxxx
Liska recently posted..Reasons To Be Cheerful – anniversary edition
MomMeTime Jan 7 2012 - 11:32 am
I’m still amazed at the fact that depression knows no boundaries…it could cares less that it harms and hurts everyone in its path!
It has been an incredible journey of ups & downs for me and The One…he’s been a trigger for me as well; especially, when I’m struggling…he doesn’t know how to help and sometimes he get really frustrated.
Its taken us awhile to realize what is happening and find ways of dealing with it differently. I am grateful that he was able to set aside his hurt and anger; he has researched, learned about depression and we talk about it. I’m also in therapy which helps me to see how the anxiety and depression has harmed me, him and us as a couple. Its taken us two years to reach a starting point of healing…our first seven years together was a mixture of love, misunderstanding, laughter, confusion, silliness and a wee bit of craziness. We laugh a lot which helps.
Over the last year I’ve really gotten into photography…having a hobby has really helped. Yes, I have found that blogging helps…a kind word, an honest compliment, an act of caring!
Thank you so very much for your kindness…it has really helped brighten my day! I look forward to see you around the blogosphere
.
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Courtney~Mommy LaDy Club Jun 25 2012 - 3:05 pm
I really like your honesty and openness. It’s not easy to spill all of that out to the public on a blog, like everything thinks it is, but it also makes your blog so interesting and authentic. Great look and feel here too…love it, and keep up the road of recovery!;)
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mommetime Jun 27 2012 - 8:40 pm
thank you! I agree, it isn’t easy, yet it helps me in the healing process and I also believe that it is important to share with others…maybe it will help someone else the way others sharing helps me. Your kind words are much appreciated!
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