parenting |opinions |photography
Friendship
~as you trudge the road of happy destiny ~may God bless you and keep you -- until then
parenting |opinions |photography
~as you trudge the road of happy destiny ~may God bless you and keep you -- until then
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It wasn’t my first time stepping down from the podium feeling a lot humbled by sharing about wreckage from my past, the tools used to clean it up, and life in the here and now. There I stood in my nice dress and high heels, surrounded by the comforts of familiar. Taking in the smell of stale tobacco and the scented aroma of burnt coffee…I felt safe.
No longer looking like death warmed over; I felt relief and even moments that resembled peace.
I had hung around there just about every day for almost a year, looking at those walls adorned with pictures of old buildings, familiar faces and scrolls of solutions for those who seek, if walls could talk, the stories they would tell!
Chairs lined in rows, people who remained seated, others standing, circles forming and people chatting. The ones chaotically arranging around the coffee makers that produced the best worst coffee in the world, and cannot be duplicated, were the dedicated coffee drinkers. The room was alive!
As I stood there doing the deal, desperately wanting a cup of coffee and a smoke…feeling lighter, feeling better than ever before.
The last of those coming through the line saying words of encouragement and expressions of understanding that perhaps few can, up comes a woman with her cup of whatever it was, in one hand, and keys on a chain, in the other, making enough noise that it could alert the deaf of her arrival, she introduced herself.
Even-though we had never met, it was a face and body, I knew. I instantly felt gratitude that it had not happened to me…yet! The bulging belly, breaking of veins and redness in the face…serving as a reminder that if I ever pick up again, that could be me.
She had a story of drink to tell, and later I discover that it is me that she would share it with!
Her words catch my attention. “Well can we?”
Excuse me, I’m sorry, what did you say?”
“Can we talk?”
I knew instantly I liked her… Loud. Funny. Boisterous. Smoker. Dramatic. Did I mention, Funny?
Immediately she began complaining about the coffee creamer and offering me some that she had in the cup. “Do you carry creamer around with you?” I ask. “Yes, it helps the coffee taste better” she says. I laughed and tell her, “You are alright, may I have some of that creamer you keep in that cup?”
We sat, smoked and talked a while, she told me a little of her story, and I listened…a relationship formed. Although, opposites in so many ways, we shared a common bond. A bond that would evolve over the years; a trust and mutual respect that made all our differences seem so inconsequential.
I’ve since given up the smokes, but not the coffee… never the coffee. Over a million (give or take a few) cups of coffee, she shared hopes, dreams, fears and secrets with me and eventually our relationship grew in to a friendship like no other I’ve ever experienced.
Nine plus years have passed since I stood in that room, and said hello to my friend. Today, I will say goodbye. I am so terribly sad. I will miss her… she gave more to me than I could have ever given to her and we shared lots of laughter along the way. Sigh.
No matter how acquainted I am with people being “deathly” sick, when death happens, it is like a sucker punch to the gut. It hurts! My go to is to hide, but I’m not going to not today. I’m going to put into practice what I’ve learned over the last ten years and eight months of sobriety. I am going to put on a dress and go be of service to a family that will lay to rest a much-loved woman, wife, mother, friend…recovered alcoholic.
It is my hope and fervent prayer that the hand of God, Universe, Power, whatever, touch down and comfort the children affected by alcoholism for they have no voice…they have no choice!
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Casey Jun 21 2012 - 1:52 pm
Amy,
My heart goes out to you. I am truly sorry to hear of your friend’s passing, and hope that you will find comfort in doing what brings you healing.
Take care,
Casey
mommetime Jun 27 2012 - 9:01 pm
Thank you…I found peace in your words “hope that you will find comfort in doing what brings you healing.” Hope.Comfort.Healing
katy Jun 21 2012 - 2:09 pm
Ugh. I’m so sorry. She sounds amazing. Like so many we’ve met through the years. SOme of the best people go through these rooms and we are lucky to know them while we can. You were a light to her I am sure. The best part, ALL SOBER. All due to sobriety. She died sober. What a gift. I hope you and I do the same, girl. love you.
mommetime Jun 27 2012 - 9:00 pm
Yes…she died sober and that is a gift. She got to live different, clean up wreckage from her past and be trusted. Her husband grew to rely and count on her, which is also a gift. love ya back!
Crystal Jun 21 2012 - 3:40 pm
Beautiful. Katy sent me here to read this blog post. Thanks Katy and thank you dear stranger for sharing your words with us and that very special and amazing friendship. My prayers are with you, with that wonderful ladys family and all the other people who loved her and will miss her very much.
mommetime Jun 27 2012 - 8:57 pm
thank you so very much for your kind words; I appreciate the prayers very much!
P.s. Katy is awesome, isn’t she?!
Grass Oil Jun 21 2012 - 9:45 pm
ohhh. i am sorry for your loss. it’s never easy. my mother has said good-bye to so many of her partners in sobriety. too many. too young. too soon. peace, Amy. -molly
Grass Oil recently posted..Update: NaNoWriMo, Confession: We Don’t Have a Flobie and Other Stuff on My Mind
mommetime Jun 27 2012 - 8:54 pm
It is hard…I have a difficult time processing grief…I believe I’ve made progress, it normally takes me years before I face my feeling. Progress!
Jessica Jun 22 2012 - 6:02 am
I’m so, very very sorry. It is so hard to lose the ones we love. ::hugs::
Jessica recently posted..This Moment: A Friday Tradition
mommetime Jun 27 2012 - 8:52 pm
yes, it is hard… thank you for the hug
Martha Orlando Jun 22 2012 - 6:29 am
My sympathy and love to you, Amy, in the loss of your dear friend. May God comfort you and her family at this time of grief and sadness.
Martha Orlando recently posted.."Gimme Shelter"
mommetime Jun 27 2012 - 8:51 pm
Thank you Martha, your kind words mean a lot to me! Comforted…yes, it makes me sad. I feel for her husband, they were married along time and he had grown to count and rely on her…which, is a testament to her recovery. I am incredibly grateful to have shared recovery with her.
Barbara Jun 22 2012 - 10:01 am
I’m so sorry for your loss. What a blessing sobriety and friends must be, though. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Barbara recently posted..Raising a Sensitive Child
mommetime Jun 27 2012 - 8:48 pm
Yes.yes.yes. sobriety and friends are HUGE blessings in my life today! Thank you for stopping by and sharing…much appreciation!
Corinne Rodrigues Jun 22 2012 - 11:59 am
My condolences on the loss of a dear friend, Amy. Love and prayers going out to you and the family of your friend. I’m so glad that you’re choosing to verbalize your grief and to be with the family. It takes a lot of guts and I applaud you for it.
mommetime Jun 27 2012 - 8:47 pm
Thank you, Corinne…I appreciate the prayers. Verbalizing hasn’t always been my answer…and I normally take a non-grief grace period of years before feeling. I wrote this the same week…progress! Thank you for being so encouraging.
Deb Jun 22 2012 - 12:13 pm
Amy,
A beautiful tribute. What a blessing that you two found each other and had the joy of being friends.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. I know how hard it is to say goodbye to those we love.
Deb
mommetime Jun 27 2012 - 8:45 pm
Oh, thank you! It was a blessing…that. is. for. sure. she was a character! I will will her loud and bold ways…she made me laugh! Saying goodbye is very hard ~sigh!
Carla Barilá Karam Jun 22 2012 - 12:44 pm
Amy… what a wonderful tribute you give to your friend. My heart goes out to you. I have learned that it is difficult to say good bye to someone that has touched your life, especially one who has left a part of her within you. I have a little of each of my friends within me… especially the memories of times spent together. God Bless your friend, and God Bless you!
Carla Barilá Karam recently posted..Day 379 ~ I Am Second Challenge Day 2 of 22
mommetime Jun 27 2012 - 8:43 pm
Thank you, so very much for your kind and thoughtful sharing. I agree…friends touch our lives in such special ways; I miss her, she was a close and dear friend, and she taught me a lot! Blessings…to you, too!
HezziD Jun 22 2012 - 2:40 pm
What a beautiful story. It’s funny where we find some of our best friends and how we meet. I’m so sorry for your loss and hope that you are able to find comfort in this tough time.
mommetime Jun 27 2012 - 8:41 pm
Thank you. It is odd the places where I’ve met people and this was no exception…she was a very special person!
Rachel Jun 28 2012 - 8:27 am
What a beautiful story of friendship! I am so sorry for your loss. xo
Rachel recently posted..Thursday Thoughts – Paper, Pens and Handwriting
mommetime Jun 28 2012 - 9:40 am
thank you…she was a good friend!
Mary Hudak-Colllins Jun 28 2012 - 11:40 am
Amy, there are no words to say to someone when they are going through something like this. It sounds like you developed a wonderful friendship that has to be filled with great memories. Hold onto those and never let go. Remember the good in your relationship. I believe that is what she would have wanted. You are in my prayers ♥
Mary Hudak-Colllins recently posted..Taking 2 Weeks Off…
Janaki Nagaraj Jun 29 2012 - 8:39 am
So sorry that you lost such a dear friend. My heartfelt condolences to you and her family.<3
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Shannon Milholland Jul 3 2012 - 5:34 pm
You are in my opinion the best kind of speaker – one who makes herself available to her audience. Beautiful!
Shannon Milholland recently posted..Life Transforming Prayer – Lord Teach Me
mommetime Jul 5 2012 - 9:25 pm
THANK YOU! Wow…I appreciate your thoughtful words — a lot!
Adriene Jul 14 2012 - 8:31 am
Beautiful post, Amy. So sorry for your loss. There’s always a lesson to be learned from each experience and the lives that touch us. <3
Adriene recently posted..Life Without Limits: Is That Possible?
mommetime Jul 16 2012 - 6:43 pm
Thank you…I appreciate your kind words. Sometimes the lesson is learned but not revealed until much later; I got to practice a sober friendship with her and experienced stuff that didn’t make so much sense back then, but it does now.
phoenixrisesagain Jul 17 2012 - 5:46 am
HI there sorry that I have not been around lately …. but just want to let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers and the candle is lit for you every day. Take care!
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mommetime Jul 17 2012 - 11:40 am
I’ve missed seeing your inspirational pictures… aw… thank you. How are you?
Rosey Sep 27 2012 - 10:30 am
What a touching post. I’m very sorry to hear you’ve lost a friend, your tribute to her is wonderful.
mommetime Sep 28 2012 - 6:20 pm
thank you… death… sigh! I appreciate your kind words; it is odd that she isn’t here in the physical… she was such an important part of my life and I miss her very much.
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