I was looking through the interwebs for an easy, yummy, um easy dessert recipe to make for the Mama’s coming to our home to celebrate Mothers Day, which if you are in the US, and you celebrate well then you know it is this Sunday, the 12th. It seems early this year, anyway, in preparing for our family festivities; I fell victim to Pinterest.
I found this yumminess of a jewel, ahem… here on Pinterest .
I’m having a baby…. well not me, someone else is having the baby, actually she has already had a baby, so I’m having a baby shower; a baby shower of sorts.
I did not get to have a typical baby shower, well there wasn’t much of my introduction into mommyhood that was typical or what I thought was typical or rather, normal. My new normal was crazy hard; after the premature birth of my oldest daughter, at 23 weeks gestation, I reverted back to doing what felt comfortable… doing everything all by myself. I tried; it was exhausting.
“What are you doing?” he asked, startling me, he didn’t actually want to know what I was doing it was obvious what I was doing. I was washing dishes.
I just stood there looking out the window, my hands sudsy going through the repetitive washing and rinsing motion; my body ached, and my chest heavy, and my throat swollen, and my eyes burned… the all-consuming ache felt as if it were going to suffocate me.
There are certainties that one can not escape; no hiding or running from because it will find you. So, I dig deep, and I dry my hands, and turn to the Sailor, and lay my head on his chest, his arms taking me, breathing in his scent and feeling his embrace; I whisper, it is time.
I hope I don’t come across sounding Too much like an ungrateful bitty, but sometimes owning a business sucks! Even with employees, you are it. you don’t accrue sick days, and since the only person to call is self there is no one to call, and vacation or days off, well forget about it, you go weeks, even months without a day off, and years without a vacation and then there is tax season –oh, giddy, gah. Sigh.
the strain it puts on a relationship, at times, is heavy. I am incredibly surprised that The Sailor and I have managed to get through nine years of having a business together and tax seasons or is it ten?! hmm, I’ve lost count, anyway; I haven’t buried him in the backyard… not even once. But, our relationship is strained; We’ve had some difficult times of late.
there aren’t too many Downsides to home-schooling, well maybe a few. I love it; most days… some of the days.
I know, I know, I sound ungrateful… that is about to change, soon. I promise. It is Freedom of choice, baby… freedom of choice. Read more
I open the cupboard door and remove the flour scooping out a wee bit; making my way into the dining room, bending down sitting on my haunches, rubbing my fingers in the flour and with my right index and middle finger I lean forward marking a make-believe bunny trail on the hardwood floor.
I was too scared for excitement and too excited for the extremes of fear… I wanted this time more than anything I’d ever wanted; shocked by the number of emotions I possessed as I sat in my comfy reclining rocking chair, very pregnant, rubbing my gigantic lovely belly lost in reflection.